Becoming the witch

Who do we become when the old rules we used to live by no longer define us? This is the question I’ve been asking as I continue to create and share content online. It’s the one I keep asking when the people in my life do not encourage my creative endeavors.

It didn’t take long for me to draw parallels between the modern shame women are subjected to online and the many people who were violently persecuted in historic witch trials. Personally, I find it ironic that in 2026, a time when women are more empowered than ever to shape their own destinies, I was condemned by alternative subcultures for the ultimate modern sin: having kids and looking like an average woman.

To me, feminism is about fighting for equality, free will, and the power of choice, regardless of who we are. Yet a movement or community that celebrates freedom of choice can still reproduce the very patterns of judgment and conformity it claims to oppose.

The more I reflected on the expectations strangers placed upon me, the more I began to recognize the expectations I’d spent my entire life trying to fulfill.

Recently, I stumbled across Jennifer Lehr’s video exploring the transition from good girl to witch. This perfectly describes the character arc I’ve been exploring in my own life through the latter half of this year.

The good girl focuses on others. She adapts to everyone’s expectations, seeking approval, safety and belonging through the acceptance of those around her. She suppresses her emotions in her efforts to be agreeable. Eventually, she burns out and descends into the dark night of grief, rage, and numbness.

I've been a “good girl” my whole life. I grew up in an oppressive, Catholic home. I was trained to seek approval and beg for forgiveness from people who were not me. I was trained to trust the wisdom and expertise of everyone but myself. This has led to extremely low self-esteem and significant anxiety throughout most of my life.

Today, as a working mother, my priorities are centered around my family and my employment. My spouse works long hours, so a lot of the domestic labor naturally falls on me, the person who spends more time at home. With so much on my shoulders, taking time to care for myself is often at the bottom of the to-do list.

However, over the past few months, I've started working on more creative pursuits. I've been producing videos. I started a blog. It's felt really good to have a special hobby that fills my cup. It’s been restorative to express myself in this way. But the only time I’ve been able to dedicate to it has been while my kids are asleep.

Life became considerably more difficult a few weeks ago when my father-in-law suffered a life-altering medical event. We were driving our small kids to and from the hospital almost every evening to visit. There was a point when we weren't sure whether he was going to recover.

This good girl was spinning too many plates. I ended up experiencing a significant medical emergency myself and was hospitalized. Since returning home, I’ve been processing what happened and working through my feelings of grief. I’m picking up the pieces and considering how to move forward in a more sustainable way.

Through this process, it’s come to my attention that many people in my life have their own ideas about what my priorities should be after what I’ve been through. They speculate that my medical event was the result of spending too much time online. They tell me I need to get better quickly so I can return to serving everyone else before myself.

Absolutely not.

Instead, I've decided that I shall become the witch.

The witch is the ultimate sovereign woman, focusing on her inner authority and intuition. She questions established beliefs and trusts what she discovers through her own experience. Her power does not depend on external permission.

The witch accepts uncertainty instead of trying to escape it. And she consciously chooses to change, even when that decision disappoints others.

As I continue to process my experience, I’m revisiting a lot of psychology concepts and coping strategies that I learned in college. I’ve been thinking about the ways our minds and bodies respond when we’re overwhelmed, and what my own experience might be teaching me about the need for change. It doesn’t make sense for me to return to what I was doing before—putting myself last. It makes more sense to recognize that my own needs deserve a place among my priorities.

I love my family. But I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my entire being in an effort to be everything for everyone. I deserve to take up the time and space that I need.

Becoming the witch isn’t a rejection of motherhood or responsibility. It’s a rejection of self-erasure. It’s a journey of psychological reclamation and radical self-trust.

Welcome to her reckoning.